“She knew this transition was not about becoming someone better but about finally allowing herself to become who she’d always been.” Anonymous
I have a new Vocal Coach, and in my last session while working on an exercise she kept asking me to repeat the vocal warm-up again and again. Finally she said to me that’s cute and it sounds good but you have more. You have a whole lotta voice in there that’s not showing up, I’m doing this exercise with you because that’s going to strengthen those muscles to let all of the voice come out. For you, “no more safe singing”.
These words were like a welcome splash of cold water in my face. Immediately I felt a rush of so many scenarios, so many thoughts, so many feelings. I felt like the young girl in the movie “What’s love got to do with it” when the choir director pulled her out of the choir stand and pushed her out of church because her voice was too big. So much hurt, so much confusion, The voices of so many haters across the years that told me no, and tried to stifle who I was and how I tried to share my song in my earlier years.
The people who asked me why did I wait so long to start, or why I sang a certain style, disappointments from creating projects that didn’t turn out the way I had hoped or numerous auditions in which I did not land the gig. Wow, All of those feelings and all of those stories still close to the surface. Time to learn from them, heal and move on.
Vocally, I’m stepping into a new transition but it is getting me back to who I have always known that I was,. I’ll be honest that it’s a bit scary and I have to fight old conversations to push through, to break through, to re-learn, and to learn correctly but, it’s worth it and I am going to go for it.